Murdoch and Rothermere don’t write letters to the British electorate but if they did…

People should have a jolly good old laugh at Jeremy Corbyn because you shouldn’t take what he says seriously. Don’t really listen to what he says though, just take our word for it that he and everything he says is to be poked fun at. Such a wheeze.

But only don’t take him seriously when you’re not being jolly well angry at him for not stopping the Tories from screwing Britain over. Then you should be jolly well angry at Corbyn…not the Tories, don’t be angry with them. It’s all Jeremy Corbyn’s fault because he’s such a rubbish leader, if he wasn’t a rubbish leader then he could have stopped the Tories in their tracks. Not that the Tories do anything that Corbyn should be stopping them in their tracks for. Yes, I know, none of that makes sense and seems rather contradictory but don’t think about that. You wouldn’t have to think about any of that if Jeremy Corbyn wasn’t rubbish.

Not that Britain needs an opposition to a calamitous Tory government but if Britain did then it wouldn’t find it in the person who is currently leading the opposition, so there is no reason why the press and ‘establishment’ lackeys would need to undermine the opposition, so the people of Britain shouldn’t listen to him or respect anything he’s saying, and the more who join in with denigrating the opposition in Britain the better.

Go on, you’ll feel so much better for having called Jeremy Corbyn rubbish that you won’t need to focus on the things that you know the Tories are screwing up because they’re not, it’s all Jeremy Corbyn. The important thing is that you keep your eyes on Corbyn but don’t think about any of the things he actually says, don’t do that. The solution to Britain’s problems is to be found in removing Jeremy Corbyn from the Labour leadership so that he can be replaced by someone more palatable to the people who own the newspapers…but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to know that so maybe forget that bit. While you’re focusing on how funny Jeremy Corbyn is or how angry you are with him try to ignore the stuff going on elsewhere, just keep focused on Corbyn and how much his rubbishness is ruining everything.

We would have liked to have written this on a bus but it wouldn’t fit.

When the people of Copeland and Stoke come to cast their votes in their by-elections, we hope they use their votes as a protest against Jeremy Corbyn. Don’t think about the job the Tories have been doing in Britain for the past six years, don’t think about their lack of a plan for a post ‘brexit’ Britain. If you’re a Remainer then be angry that Corbyn has betrayed you by respecting the decision of the referendum. If you’re a Leaver then be angry that Corbyn is some form of vague notion of a Communist unless you’re a Labour Leaver, in which case, Corbyn blah blah he’s rubbish blah blah protest vote blah blah he knits his own underwear. Or something, just vote against him.

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