Hanging’s too good for them: The Tories and their return to the golden age of Britain.

The Tories are in a critical condition; they are the sitting government with the responsibility for ushering in a post EU Referendum Britain and they do not have the first or thirtieth idea as to what to do about it. Theresa May has made it abundantly clear that Brexit means Brexit but not what she means by Brexit. Tory attempts to privatise the NHS has put the NHS into a tailspin which the Tories are ideologically incapable of pulling it out of. The Tories are, quite frankly, the greatest threat to the security and welfare of Great Britain that Britain currently faces. Thanks to David Cameron’s ill-considered decision to present the country with the EU Referendum, the Tory party has been exposed for the intellectually lightweight and backward party of spivs, shills and hucksters that their critics always knew and feared them to be.

In an attempt to take the pressure off, a bright spark at CCHQ has decided to rip the head off a dead cat and lob it into the room like a feline incendiary device. A “leaked” peak at cabinet papers revealed that grammar schools were on the Tory agenda and has successfully sent a wave of genuine outrage and faux, fanning flames, throughout the media. I suspect the meeting where the idea was constructed included a suggestion to bring back capital punishment but this was rejected because too many Tories cherish that proposal and would not want to waste it on a scheme of distraction intended to fail.

Nothing is costed about reintroducing grammar schools, which, to be fair, is in line with all Tory education policies. The main thing is that it has got everybody talking about something other than Brexit and the Tories complete lack of any ideas over how to proceed. It also covers for the abject lack of courage exhibited by two Tory (sub)Prime Ministers to trigger Article 50 or to put their hands up and say that it would be a disaster, they hadn’t thought it through, and can’t just accept the result of the EU Referendum.

What, of course, we will not see is this government being taken to task by the press. The Tory’s incompetence is a clear and present threat to this nation, able to land within 40 minutes, and already causing untold suffering across the land but the press will not call them on it. The press will not hold the Tories up for critical inspection because the public might rightly ask why it has taken them so long to do it. I’m sure we can expect Laura Kuenssberg et al to deliver more platitudes to our robber barons.

But don’t be surprised if we do see calls to being back hanging ringing from an inadvertently exposed cabinet briefing paper some time soon.

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